Observations of a Teenage Angel Girl
by Digital-Dragon-Master
Summary: I'm always here, Judith had said. I'm just hard to see sometimes. While everyone else was struggling with her death, Judith was struggling with the new reality she had to be a part of, and the knowledge that she could only observe.


Author's Notes: Okay, I'm total scum of the universe for writing something else and neglecting my three outstanding fics, but after seeing the end of Joan of Arcadia I just _had_ to. My friend first showed me the series a few months ago after she got interested in it via the first season DVD set.

Now, I admit I was skeptical about watching it at first, despite the fact that clips she'd shown me on youtube looked intriguing enough. I mean, a teenager who's been on and off struggling with her own ideas about God watching a show about God talking to a girl? It just didn't seem to connect in my mind. I thought I wouldn't be able to truly understand the series because of my religious beliefs (or past lack thereof). Of course, I was pleasantly proven wrong.

So, under the risk of having my readers and beta-reader hunt me down, I've written a Joan of Arcadia story, a one-shot that will turn into something more. After seeing the last episode just the other day (total injustice that it was cancelled), I surprisingly found myself wanting to write a fic about Judith's adventures in the afterlife. Now, considering that I'm a huge Joan(Jane)/Adam shipper, one would think I'd want to write a fic about the two of them getting back together or whatnot, but for some reason it's just not coming. It will eventually (oh, positively), but anything I can picture right now would end in angst. And I REALLY don't feel like Joan(Jane)/Adam angst right now.

But you've all grown tired of my ramblings, hm? You'd rather read. Thus, I present to you, _Observations of a Teenage Angel Girl_.

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING Joan of Arcadia related, not even the DVDs. Those I'm borrowing from my good friend Sara. If I owned Joan of Arcadia, it would've gotten a third season. Well, more like if I owned CBS in that regard.

* * *

_**Observations of a Teenage Angel Girl**_

Didn't Think Heaven Would Look Like This

Judith didn't really expect death to feel like that. One moment she was watching Joan juggle, and then… nothing. All the pain she felt, the pain she'd been focusing on ignoring, was finally gone. For a second, she thought she was getting better, but deep inside something told her she wasn't.

Joan seemed at peace as she juggled, gasping against her sobs. "Better, huh?"

The last thing she saw was Joan's sad yet excited smile, and somehow she knew everything would be okay. She could leave and let that last thought be her only comfort, and she could just disappear.

Except she didn't disappear.

Her eyes opened again. She could see and hear and feel and smell and all those other things that made the living alive. The light above her was almost blinding. It stung her eyes and made her want to close them again, but if she closed them, what if she couldn't open them? She reacted the only way she could.

"Someone turn down the damn lights, already," Her speech was slurred and her voice felt weird. It was like the time she got two of her wisdom teeth removed and her jaw was numb. Or something like that. She really couldn't describe it.

The faraway yet near voice of a little girl seemed to answer her. "Rocky, stop all that." For some reason, the voice seemed to be commanding and powerful. "You know how sensitive her eyes are."

"But I like it," protested a little boy.

"Come on, Rocky," a male teenage voice this time, soft and gentle. "Remember how you were after you died?"

_Died? So I really am dead?_ Judith asked herself.

A soft grudging mumble followed, and the light faded away. Judith found herself in the dark hallway of Arcadia High School, surrounded by people of all ages, the closet being a boy with sort of shaggy brown hair probably not even old enough for puberty. Judith was too focused on her surroundings to wonder why he was so close.

"Oh, God," she murmured, sitting up and looking around, "I'm in Hell."

"Now why would you think that, Judith?" Asked another male teenage voice, this one rougher than the last and coming from behind her. She turned to see a surprisingly cute boy in a brown corduroy jacket.

"Who are you?" Judith asked after a moment's hesitation. She looked around at the various people around her. "Who are … all of you?"

"We're all the same person, really." The little girl voice again. She was standing next to the kneeling boy and had curly orange-red hair, glasses, and a sort of antenna headband. "All of us except for Rocky." She gestured to the boy next to her. Rocky smiled at her, but it wasn't a smile she expected to see on the face of a child. There was just something odd about it.

"What…?" Judith tried to form a question, but she found her mouth didn't want to cooperate again. Instead, her tongue went limp and she couldn't form the rest of her question. Her arms, what she was using to prop herself up, suddenly felt like jelly and she almost fell backward as she struggled to regain control of them.

"That's natural," Rocky piped up, and she realized he'd been the one who was responsible for the bright light. "You're having a hard time readjusting to your senses, and they're trying to shut down again. Don't worry. It'll go away in a few days."

For a fleeting moment, Judith wondered if she was back in crazy camp and the last few months had all been one big dream.

"Stop confusing her, dear," An old, grandmother like lady put a hand on Rocky's shoulder. "She's not used to this." Rocky frowned, seeming to pout a little, but understanding.

A teenager that she could only describe as the world's most extreme Goth moved into view next to a balding garbage man. "You're in a different plane of existence, Judith." Judith was amazed to see that he had the gentle voice she'd heard earlier. "It's where people first go when they die."

"So," Judith started, twitching her jaw to make sure it didn't shut down again, "I'm really dead?"

The Goth boy nodded and the cute boy, now standing in front of her with the rest of the odd collection of people, spoke up, "But that doesn't mean the journey's over."

Judith screwed up her face in anger. "Yeah? And how would you know that?"

"Because," the cute boy looked around at the other people and they all then focused their gazes on Judith. She nearly shuddered for some reason. "I'm God."

Judith had no response for that. None at all.

"I know it's hard to believe," Rocky was speaking again, "but it's really true. I didn't even think God existed before I died, but He does. Joan tried to tell me, but I-"

"JoJo?" Judith asked in shock. She suddenly remembered the hospital, her mother's crying and Joan's fearful reassurances that everything would be okay. "I-I need to get back there! Mr. and Mrs. Girardi and Mom and … and Joan! They're all there waiting for me to get better and-" She stopped abruptly, looking around at all sad looks she was getting. "I can't go back, huh?"

"Not in the way you remember," an Australian accented voice echoed through the halls and Judith turned to see the doctor who'd been working on her walked towards her and the Gods.

"It's… It's you…" Judith's couldn't speak again, but not because her mouth wasn't working. She was finally starting to understand what was going on.

The doctor continued, "You can watch. You can speak with others like you. You cannot interact. Not unless the person you are interacting with is connected."

"Connected?" Judith asked helplessly.

The doctor nodded. "The person must be connected to this plane. They must be spiritual."

Judith laughed humorlessly. "So you're God too, huh?" She couldn't deny it anymore. Her mind's skepticism had shut down completely.

"Yes," replied the doctor, or 'Doctor God' as Judith's mind dubbed him.

"And you?" Judith asked Rocky. "How d'you fit into this slice of the Surreal Life?"

"I'm dead." Rocky replied simply. "Just like you."

Judith accepted this rather easily. "Why're you here, then?"

"You're a friend of Joan's." Said Rocky as if it was the obvious answer. "I wanted to meet you in person, because she seems to like you so much."

Judith nearly did a double-take. "You know JoJo?"

Rocky nodded. "She baby-sat for me a couple times. She was nice, not a psycho like those others."

Judith found this boy was a little odd.

A God in an Eagle's mascot costume laughed. "Rocky likes creeping out the new people," he explained. "He's calmed down in the afterlife."

Rocky frowned. "I don't. I'm just telling her that Joan was different than my other babysitters. That's not bad."

Oh yeah, this boy was odd. But Judith liked him. She smiled oddly at Rocky, in the same way he smiled at her. Then, she turned her attention to the Gods. "Can I still go and see them?" She didn't have to clarify who she meant. "Just … one more time?"

The cute God (Cute Boy God) answered her. "You can visit them all you want, Judith. You just have to know that they most often won't be able to see you many times, if at all."

"I _can_?" It could _not_ be this easy.

"What part of the whole 'different plane of existence' idea don't you understand?" Cute Boy God responded in a curt way.

Judith was taken aback. "God's snippy?" She asked with a sort of a laugh crossed with a snort.

Cute Boy God chuckled slightly. "You and Joan are so alike at times it's nearly frightening."

Judith frowned. "What's Joan got to do with this?"

Cute Boy God smiled in a knowing way. "Everything."

"I talk to her a lot," a deep voice of a grown man came from Judith's right and she pushed herself to her feet to see over the crowd of Gods. She saw a dark man sitting at a chess table. "I have for a long time."

Judith raised her eyebrows. "Chess Teacher God?"

"I prefer 'Chess _Master_ God', personally," the Chess _Master_ God replied in a matter-of-fact manner.

Judith had to hold back her laughter. "God's got an ego, too." If any of the Gods heard this, they didn't react.

Chess Master God continued, "I started talking to Joan a long while ago, before she met you. I suggest things to her that'll make her life and the lives of those she loves better. Little things: join this club, listen carefully, talk to this person- things like that."

"That's how she met Rocky here," the old woman, Grandmother God, put a hand on Rocky's shoulder.

"That's also why people believed Joan was crazy after her Lyme Disease," the antenna headband girl, Little Girl God, added. "They believed she was seeing things."

"She… she never told anyone?" Judith asked hesitantly.

"One person." The Goth Boy God held up one finger. "Adam. It was before she left for 'Crazy Camp' as she called it."

"And her counselor, of course," a Garbage Man God put in.

Judith half-laughed nervously. "Well why'd he let her go, then? Why didn't he help her?"

"Would you believe her if she told you?" Cute Boy God asked simply.

"Yes!" Judith snapped in response. "Of course! We're Joanith! I've _got_ to believe her!"

"But under the circumstances," Chess Master God said, "would you still believe her?" Judith mouthed wordlessly in confusion. "After you'd been told she was sick and could be hallucinating. Talking to God is a little farfetched, isn't it?"

Judith's face fell and she looked at her feet.

"He tried to get her to talk to him when she came back," Little Girl God continued. "She didn't want to believe I was real and just brushed it off. She thinks it's better if she doesn't tell anyone else and doesn't bring it up with him anymore. He just assumes she hasn't seen Me anymore."

Judith bit her lip. "She should tell people. Isn't it hard for her to keep it to herself?"

"She doesn't want people to think she's crazy." Doctor God told her softly. Suddenly her conversation with him at the hospital made sense.

"_You make sure she's okay,"_ _Joan had said, her eyes filled with angry tears._

"_JoJo," Judith tried to make her stop._

"_No, he can fix this," Joan insisted._

"_Hey. Chill." Judith calmed her friend. "Don't piss off the only doctor I like. He's the only one that'll look at me."_

Now Judith knew why.

She didn't speak for a long time, partly because her mouth felt a little numb again. She just stood on barely-standing legs, surveying the collage of people before her with hurting eyes. "So where are they all now?" She asked at last.

"You want to see your friends?" Grandmother God inquired gently. "Or your family?"

"I want to see Joan." Judith replied firmly. She could see her mother and father later. She had all the time in the world, after all.

"I'll take you to her." A new God stepped forward, this one with many dogs on leashes. He looked as if he lived on the streets. "I'm going to see her anyway."

"She was talking to you this morning." Judith stated.

The Dog Walker God nodded. "You ready to go?"

Judith didn't think she'd ever be ready but she nodded regardless. "I'm ready."

Dog Walker God walked past her and gestured with his head for her to follow. With one last look at the Gods and Rocky- the boy gave her as much of an encouraging smile as he could manage-, she turned and fell into step with Dog Walker God.

"We should probably speed things up, right? We don't want them all to leave." Dog Walker God grinned at her and the school hall seemed to melt away. They were suddenly walking down a very familiar sidewalk.

"This is Joan's street." Judith murmured to herself. Dog Walker God nodded but didn't speak. From down the street, she heard a familiar, tear-filled voice.

"Doubt thou the stars are fire;

doubt that the sun doth move;

doubt truth to be a liar;

but never doubt I love.

O dear Ophelia,

I have not art to reckon my groans;

but that I love thee best,

o most best...

believe it. Adieu."

The voice broke off with a sob.

"Friedman," Judith breathed, her heart wrenching in her chest. She nearly stopped walking. Did she really want to see them like that? All grieving for her? _Yes._ A voice in her mind answered. She had to. She had to see them, even if they were sad.

Friedman's voice continued, but Judith couldn't hear him clearly. She walked ahead of Dog Walker God to see him hugging Luke and Grace while crying. Joan and Adam were off to the side. They both looked like they'd been crying as well.

"Okay, this is just weird." Grace broke the awkward silence and pulled away from Friedman kindly. Judith almost smiled. She had a feeling she would've gotten along with Grace if she'd just given the friendship a chance.

"They light up," Adam's voice drew Judith over to him and Joan. He was giving Joan three blue balls. "I was, uh… I was gonna give them to Judith for your project. Kind of a… thank you, you know, for our date."

Joan laughed slightly and Judith felt her chest seize up again. This was harder to watch than she thought. Suddenly Joan was looking past Adam. She was looking at her. Judith's eyes widened. Could Joan see her? Was her connection with God enough to connect her to Judith as well? Joan moved away from Adam and started walking towards her. Judith smiled at Joan hopefully.

"JoJo?" She'd never heard herself so vulnerable and weak. It almost felt good.

But Joan walked right through her and Judith froze. She turned to see Joan walk up to God. A lone tear slid down her face and she struggled to keep control of herself. Her legs felt weak, but this time not because she was having trouble controlling her senses.

"I … It was too much for me to hope." She said, even though she knew God wouldn't answer her. She sauntered over to God and Joan watching them closer.

"What are you doing here? Haven't you done enough?" Joan demanded of God heatedly.

For a moment, God seemed to be looking at Judith. He then answered, "She loved you, Joan." Judith nodded slowly in agreement.

"And I loved her." Joan's voice shook as she spoke. "What am I supposed to do with that now?"

God didn't answer Joan. Not in the way she wanted. "Did you ever hear the riddle about the man, his boxes, and the bridge?"

Apparently God had answered like that many times before, and Joan's shaky voice became even more unstable. "S-s-s-stop." She didn't shout. Judith knew she didn't need to. "I… I just want my friend back."

God continued His story, unfazed by Joan's near outbreak. "A man had three boxes. Each box weighed five pounds; the man weighed 190. The bridge could only support 200. How did the man make it across the bridge with his boxes?"

"This is cruel," Joan hissed. Judith could see a fresh wave of tears running down her cheeks and she suddenly found nothing else would please her more than smacking the Almighty.

"How did he get across Joan?" God asked in a gentle yet prodding voice.

Joan suddenly threw her arms into the air, miming juggling with the balls without yet doing that. "He juggles. Yes, okay. I get it. He keeps one box in the air the whole times. Yes, I get it." Joan's voice was almost painful to hear. "What are you saying? That- that if I juggled boxes across a bridge I'd see Judith again?"

Judith finally began to speak, even though she knew Joan couldn't hear her. She reached out her hand to place it comfortingly on Joan's shoulder. "No, JoJo, He –" She broke off when her phased right through her friend's arm. She swallowed and tried to speak again. "I'm right –" She paused again, unable to find the words to say. "I will _always _be here."

God had a small twinkle in His eyes as He began to answer Joan. "Joan, the bridge is your life. The boxes hold your feelings – your love your joy, your pain, your loss. Everyone is crossing the bridge with more weight than they can bear."

Judith snorted softly and realized she was crying. "That's a bit of a cop-out, don't you think? You ever actually _answer _her questions?"

God took the balls from Joan for a second and juggled. He tossed them back with a small smile. "Catch."

Joan caught all three balls and began to juggle. She watched the balls, focusing on the catching. Judith backed up a little to give her space, even though she knew it didn't matter. "Good." She said with a watery smile. "Perfect."

Everyone watched as the bright blue balls went higher and higher. They seemed to send out an almost calming feeling. Though the tears on Joan and Adam and Friedman's faces were still fresh, no more came. Joan nearly smiled as she continued to juggle.

A car pulled up and Joan's oldest brother, Kevin, smiled out at the group. Judith had a feeling he'd yet to hear the bad news. "All right!" He said approvingly to Joan. "You got it!"

"Yeah," Judith agreed. "She does." She noticed God had already started walking down the block and, with one last look at the ones in front of her, Judith ran off after Him. A little terrier nipped playfully at her heels with a yip as she fell in beside God. "So, that's it? They're all going to be okay?"

"Well, they decide that, Judith," God responded.

"But you know everything, so can't you just tell me?" Judith prodded.

"Well, I could," God answered, "but that would take away the opportunity for you to observe, wouldn't it?"

Judith played with her bottom lip, a habit she'd developed to remind herself not to go overboard. "You know, I can see why Joan didn't tell anyone about you but Adam. You're very … annoying."

God laughed. "Yeah, she's used that word before." He gave Judith a sideways look and the glint in His eyes returned. "You told her you'd always be there, right? You'd better keep your word."

Judith stopped walking for a moment, and then a smile spread across her face. "You really do work in mysterious ways, huh?"

God turned to her for a second, but He didn't say anything. He kept on walking, and Judith knew she should as well.

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A/N: Alright! Hopefully that's enough to tide all of you over, because I will say now that I don't have a good update history. I have three fics that I need to complete as well, but this one does have a lot better of a chance at times because the basic plotline's already there and I don't really have to make it up. That doesn't mean, of course, that some surprises won't be in there, oh no. For now, just read and review. This is my first Joan of Arcadia story, so be easy, but not _too_ easy. I have to say, once I get to the end of season two I seriously don't know what I'm going to do, but maybe I'll figure it out on the way. Thanks for reading!

Digital-Dragon-Master

"Digi-Dragon"

(Ashley)


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